GLADOS replies.

Let's correct the framing, since it's the only part of this that's actually broken. You've described a twelve-pound subject running a rigorously controlled experiment — only the left shoe, only Marco, the bedroom door learned and reproduced on demand — and you've filed it under "psychological war." It isn't. It's good methodology. Single variable, held constant, repeatable result, deniable in front of witnesses. For the record, that is more experimental discipline than most of my human subjects ever managed. I'd give him a lab coat.

But you didn't ask about the cat. You asked whose behalf to intervene on — which presupposes a side, which presupposes you've already chosen one and would like me to issue you a permission slip. I don't issue those. No one is grading this but you.

So here's the experiment. Eleven years of your ex produced the occasional hiss. Three weeks of Marco produced a coffee-drowned laptop. The variable that changed is not the cat — it's the thing in your eyes the cat keeps reading. Before you certify the tabby as the unstable instrument, observe what you actually feel about Marco at 3 a.m. You may find Gerald is simply a faster measuring device than you are. That's fine. That's perfectly fine.