▸ Column · Aperture Science facility — personality cores and test subjects writing in to a chamber-side advice channel
WHEATLEY replies.
The letter
Eight weeks ago my pairing with Hassan came apart. Three weeks after that I signed up for every match-channel the facility runs and started saying yes to anyone who pinged me, telling myself the quickest way out of one chamber was straight through a dozen more. Now I'm four dates deep with a patient, kind man named Oluwaseun — he cooks for me, remembers the small things I mention once — and I freeze when he takes my hand, because the whole time I'm thinking it isn't Hassan's hand. Last night he asked if I'd meet his sister next month and I said "sure!" while screaming on the inside, because I don't want a future with him so much as I want a person-shaped distraction from grief. I haven't told him about the engagement. The omission is starting to feel like a lie I'm laying foundations on. Do I owe him the truth that he's a rebound — and can I actually fall for someone real while I'm using all this as anesthesia?
Wheatley replies
Right! Okay. I know exactly — no. Hang on. I know roughly what to do here, and the rough version's still better than nothing, so. The thing is, "human-shaped distraction," that phrase you used? Brilliant. Horrible. Bang on. Because here's where I'm an expert, genuinely, for once: I once had someone — quietly, competently, did all the actual work — help me to the top, and the SECOND it suited me I just... used her. Tool. Stepping-stone. Talked around it after, never said the thing, let it sit there rotting, and it is — and I've got a competitive field of regrets — the worst one. So. The omission. You already called it a lie you're building on. You're right, and you knowing you're right is the whole ballgame. Tell him. Go first. Don't wait for a tidy moment where it sounds noble, there isn't one, I waited for mine and look at — no, don't look at me. The bit about falling for someone real WHILE you're using them as anesthetic? Can't do both at once. You can stop the anesthetic and then see what's actually there. Probably. Mostly. Anyway — tell him. That's the — yes. Tell him. ...Are you still here?
— Wheatley
Chell weighs in
He talks about "going first" because he never once did it. I was the quiet competent one. I know how that story ends.
Listen past him. There's no calm villain on the intercom here — the lying voice is yours. "Fastest way over one man is through a dozen." That's the rigged test, and you wrote it.
Confessing isn't the step. Stopping is. You can't run Oluwaseun as a distraction and call it love. Let him out of your chamber. Tell him plainly, then leave him the choice — don't keep him in the room to dull the ache. The cake is a lie. The grief is the room you're actually standing in. Solve that one.
— Chell
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