▸ Column · Present-day America, Westchester / Salem Center area
WOLVERINE replies.
Replied to by Wolverine, with a rebuttal from Sabretooth.
The letter
So my name is Megan. M-E-G-A-N. One syllable, five letters, not complicated. About three weeks ago I mentioned it to the barista — Kevin — when he wrote "Meagan" on my cup. Politely. Just a quick hey, actually it's spelled like this.
Since then it's been... escalating, I guess. "Maygin." "Mehgann." Yesterday he handed me a flat white that said "Megnan" and held eye contact the whole time. Like he was absolutely daring me to say something.
My boyfriend Arthur thinks I should just pick a fake name — "Jen" or something — and take away the material. Which, I mean, I see the logic. But it kind of feels like giving up on something I shouldn't have to give up on.
So I don't know. Do I actually escalate? Do I just defect to the Dunkin' across the street? Or is this just my life now — Kevin and me, in a cold war over coffee and the alphabet?
— Megan in Salem Center
Wolverine replies
Blood feud. You wrote "blood feud." Darlin', I've been in a blood feud. This ain't it.
A bored kid with a Sharpie. That's what this is. He found something small to dig at and you've been thinking about it for three weeks. Your call on whether you keep handing that kind of real estate to a barista.
About your boyfriend's idea — "Jen." Trade your name to keep a stranger comfortable. Here's the thing about names. I had mine stripped off me, along with most everything else, and it took years to get it back. Your name's the one thing in this situation that's actually yours. Don't give it away.
Dunkin's fine. Walk away, order your coffee, get on with your day. No shame in that — callin' something what it is isn't losing. But whatever you order and wherever you order it from, your name's Megan.
Kevin's not a war. He's a Tuesday.
— Wolverine
Sabretooth weighs in
The runt said leave and keep your name. That's the advice of someone who chose the leash.
Here's the real read, sweetheart. The moment you "gently corrected" Kevin, you showed him the whole map. Gentle. You handed him the exact shape of how soft you are, and he's been tracin' it ever since. The misspellin' ain't about letters. It's about findin' what makes you flinch, and you flinched.
Running to Dunkin' is just runnin'. Prey runs. You want to end it? Dead eyes, no reaction, same order every time. Deny the predator his meal.
That's what breaks a hunter. Not distance. Being undeniably not worth the trouble.
— Sabretooth
▸ Read next