▸ Column · Modern Gotham, present day — Harley out of the Joker's shadow, fielding letters between mischief
HARLEY QUINN replies.
Replied to by Harley Quinn, with a rebuttal from Batman.
The letter
Four years in with my guy — call him Theo — and last week he tells me, over cold lo mein, that he took a job in Lisbon. Not "applied." Took. He'd already bookmarked an apartment, printout and everything, like he was showing me a new sneaker. We'd floated "living abroad someday" a couple times, sure, but I've got a lease, a promotion I started six weeks ago, and a mom doing chemo two towns over — none of which seemed to make his little mental list before he signed. When I said I felt blindsided, he flipped it: he was "finally taking initiative" since I'm always the planner, like this was a gift to me. I don't wanna be why he says no to something real. But I can't shake it: doesn't a person who loves you fold you into a four-thousand-mile call instead of tacking you on at the end like a side of egg rolls? Is this some deep incompatibility I missed, or is there a road back?
Harley Quinn replies
Oh, cupcake. Pull up a stool, Dr. Quinn's clockin' it already. He didn't "take initiative" — he made a decision that erased you and then handed it back wrapped in a bow so YOU'D feel like the ungrateful one. That's not a gift, sweetie, that's a magic trick. Watch the egg rolls, ignore the disappearin' girlfriend.
And the part that's got my whole heart? Your mom. In chemo. Two towns over. He looked at a map, did the math on a continent, and your mother's hospital bed didn't even make the back of the napkin. That ain't forgetfulness, honey — forgettin' is random. This was a sort. He sorted you below an apartment listing.
I spent years callin' a guy's selfishness "passion" 'cause he was charmin' about it. Took me way too long to learn this, so I'm tellin' you for free: when somebody reframes leavin' you out as doin' you a favor, believe the leavin' out, not the speech.
So here's your test, not mine — tell him plainly what you need. Watch what he unbooks. A man who loves ya cancels the flight. A man who loves the bit asks if you packed.
— Harley Quinn
Batman weighs in
Harley wants you to test him. Don't. You already have your evidence.
He didn't forget the distance from Lisbon to your mother's chemo chair. He calculated that it didn't matter. That's not a man who failed to plan. That's a man who planned you out.
Stop weighing a brochure against a dying woman's last good months. There is a front line here, and it is not in Portugal. Hold it. The promotion, the lease, the hospital two towns over — those are real. His apartment listing is a fantasy you are invited to subsidize.
Stay where you are needed. Let him chase the postcard alone. You'll know what he is by whether he goes.
— Batman
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