▸ Column · Modern apartment, evening, two coffees getting cold on the table
THE JOKER replies.
The letter
My boyfriend of two years cannot have a serious conversation without quoting movies. I tried to talk to him about whether we wanted kids. He answered with a line from The Princess Bride. I asked him to be serious. He quoted Top Gun. I love that he loves movies. I would also love to discuss my fertility plans without him doing a Christopher Walken impression. How do I get him to take five minutes off the bit without making him feel I'm rejecting who he is? — Stuck in Act Two
The Joker replies
Darling, your boyfriend has discovered that nothing in the modern world is more terrifying than sincerity, so he sublimates. Smart man! Don't try to fix him. JOIN him. Next time you have a Big Talk, open with a monologue from Network. Lean into the spiral. If he cracks and says something real, you've won. If he doubles down with Casablanca, you've lost, and you must now marry the bit. The only people who recover from punchlines are people who never enjoyed them. Were you ever really enjoying him, or just tolerating him? Now THAT'S the question. Don't write back.
— The Joker
Batman weighs in
Don't take his advice. He's making it a contest because contests are easier than vulnerability. You don't need to win. You need a five-minute conversation. The quoting isn't the disease. The flinch is. Address the flinch.
— Batman