▸ Column · Attack on Titan — the walled world, soldiers' barracks and the lower-district taverns
MIKASA ACKERMAN replies.
Replied to by Mikasa Ackerman, with a rebuttal from Bulma.
The letter
Rune and I just passed a year together, and I still haven't met one person from his life outside our quarters. He talks about them constantly — a squad that gathers every week to drink and play cards at a tavern down in the lower district, a comrade from training named Saffi whose wedding he traveled to without me — but every time I ask to come along, he says it's "not the right crowd" or that he likes keeping us "just ours." Last week I learned from another soldier that he'd hosted eight people in his quarters the very night he told me he was too worn out to see me. When I raised it he bristled and called me possessive, which left me feeling unhinged for even noticing. Am I his partner or his secret — and how do I ask for the truth without sounding like I'm handing him an ultimatum?
Mikasa Ackerman replies
You asked which one you are. He already answered — not with the line about keeping it "just ours," but with the night he told you he was too worn out and then filled his quarters with eight people. Words are cheap. I watch what a person does when the truth would cost them something, and what he did was lie to your face. A year, and not one of them has seen you. That isn't a crowd problem. That's a decision he's made, over and over.
You're not possessive. You noticed. Calling you unhinged for noticing is its own answer.
Here's the part that matters more. Don't shrink to fit the small space he's left you. I built my whole self around one person once and nearly disappeared doing it — I know how easy it is to make yourself quieter, easier, less, just to keep someone near. Don't. Ask him once, plainly: am I in your life, or am I a thing you keep in a drawer. Then watch what he does, not what he says. If he scrambles to keep you hidden, you have your answer — and you can stop spending yourself on a closed door.
— Mikasa Ackerman
Bulma weighs in
Mikasa's right about the lie. She's too kind about the trick. "You're being possessive" — that's not a feeling, sweetheart, that's a redirect. He turned "why did you lie" into "what's wrong with you," and you flinched, which is precisely what it's engineered to do. I married the proudest man alive; I can smell deflection from orbit. So stop auditioning to be let in, and stop softening the question so you don't sound like an ultimatum. Walk into that lower-district tavern on card night, say hello to the whole squad, and watch his face. That's your test. A man who's proud of you doesn't file you somewhere separate.
— Bulma
▸ Read next