▸ Column · Mid-century Gotham — white tablecloths and backroom arrangements, an era when the "gentleman's code" was enforced almost entirely by the women it supposedly protected.
SELINA KYLE replies.
Replied to by Selina Kyle, with a rebuttal from Superman.
The letter
My friend caused a stir at dinner this past week — the man she was with behaved in a way he should not have, and she answered him with a slap, right there in the dining room. Her position is that it was the most direct way to make a man like that understand where he stood. Half our circle thinks she handled it correctly; the other half thinks she overstepped. I would like to know which half has it right.
Selina Kyle replies
The half of the table who think she went too far are asking the wrong question, and so is the half who think she was right. Both camps are scoring it morally when the only ledger that matters here is practical.
A public slap is a scene, and scenes have a cashier. Your friend wanted the cost to land on him. What she paid for instead was the evening's story — which starts with what she did, not what he did. By the time it's past the second table, it's her composure under discussion and he's had another drink.
I've sat across from men at restaurants in this city who deserved considerably more than a slap. What I have found, every time, is this: the woman who finishes her wine, settles exactly what the service was worth, and leaves without a word is someone the room watches go. The silence is the bill. He reads it all the way home.
Your friend wanted him to pay. She just handed him the wrong invoice.
The gentleman framing, by the way — that's a private accounting system someone else designed, and it's almost never the woman who holds the pen. Pay attention to who set up those books before you let them score the evening for you.
— Selina Kyle
Superman weighs in
Miss Kyle is right that the slap cost your friend more than it cost him. But a quiet exit doesn't fix that. It leaves him at the table thinking he won, and next week there's another woman sitting across from him. What your friend was actually owed — and what he needed — was to hear the specific thing he did wrong, out loud, where his companions could listen. "What you said was wrong. I won't sit with that." That's not a scene. It's a fact on the record. A man can argue with a scene. It's harder to argue with a fact.
— Superman