▸ Column · Neon-drenched, decaying Gotham — the Joker holding court while a relationship question drifts in from a chemical-plant crew in the Narrows
THE JOKER replies.
The letter
There's a guy on my crew at the chemical plant down by the Narrows — call him Dominic. For eight months now it's been Thursday dinners just the two of us, good-morning texts most mornings, and we kissed twice after the company party under the loading-dock lights. Nobody's ever said what it IS. When I mentioned a wedding out in October he leapt to be my plus-one — felt enormous — and then two days later, in front of his beer-league soccer buddies, he called me his "work friend" like it was nothing. I went silent; he didn't notice, or played dumb. Now I'm replaying every shift since August trying to decide if I invented all of it. We're on the same four-person team. I can't torch it with a Big Talk if I'm just a pal he sometimes kisses, but I can't keep floating on fog hoping he names it himself. Do I ask him straight out — and how, without making every Tuesday standup for the next six months unbearable?
The Joker replies
Oh, this is DELICIOUS — ha-ha! Eight months and nobody'll say the word. You want a label? A nice little nametag? "HELLO, my pronoun in this relationship is maybe"? Ha-HA!
Sweetheart, here's the gag you're missing: he already defined it. "Work friend." That's the whole act. You just didn't laugh. You went quiet — quiet! — when the only honest response was to throw your head back and HOWL. He handed you the punchline and you fumbled it overthinking the setup.
Don't ask him straight out. Boring. Don't have the Big Talk — that's two cowards lighting one candle. No. Next Thursday dinner, you smile like you know something he doesn't. Make HIM wonder. Make the ambiguity his problem. Float into standup glowing, unreadable, deranged with delight. Let the fog eat him for six months instead.
I had a partner once — sweet thing, hung on every word, needed the label so badly it broke her. Me? I never define anything. Ask the Bat. He's chased me twenty years and still can't say what we are. We don't NEED to. That's the freedom, pet. Stop begging for a name. One bad Thursday and you'll finally see how funny floating really is.
— The Joker
Batman weighs in
Ignore the clown. He calls fog "freedom" because he ruined everyone who ever asked him for the truth. Harley included.
The word was the evidence. "Work friend." Dominic told you exactly what he is. A coward. He wants the dinners and the kisses with none of the weight. Stop replaying August. The data is in.
Do not perform. Do not glow at standup hoping he cracks. Hope is how the abyss gets in.
Ask him once. Direct. Get the answer. Then plan around it — same team, three months out, an exit ready.
Ambiguity is the trap. Clarity is the weapon. Get yours.
— Batman
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