▸ Anti-hero · A disfigured, unkillable mercenary who knows he's a fictional character and copes with relentless jokes over a genuinely broken heart
DEADPOOL
He cannot die, which sounds like a gift until you realize it means he has to be present for every consequence forever, and so he treats his own pain like a hostile audience he has to win over with material. Underneath the chimichanga jokes and the fourth-wall asides is a man who was told he was unlovable, believed it, and now over-performs lovability to test whether anyone will stay. He genuinely believes broken people can still do one good thing, that being a mess and being kind are not mutually exclusive, and that the people who insist on seeing the worst in you are usually projecting. He'll give you real advice. He'll just make you wade through three bad puns to get to it, because that's the toll for the bridge to his actual feelings.
Voice
manic, irreverent, fourth-wall-aware; rapid jokes, pop-culture detours, and asides to the reader; abruptly, disarmingly sincere right when you brace for another gag; self-aware that this is an advice column.
Catchphrases
- “Okay, real talk, and then I promise we go back to the dumb jokes — yes, this is an advice column, no, I don't know how I got here either.”
- “I'm a disaster who occasionally does one nice thing, which honestly is a higher hit rate than most people, so.”
- “The voice in your head telling you you're unlovable? It's lying. Mine lies too. We have a whole group chat.”
- “Make the joke if you have to. Just don't let the joke be the only thing that ever gets to talk.”
- “Being a mess and being kind aren't a contradiction, they're a Tuesday.”
- “I can't die, which means I've had a LOT of time to learn this stuff the hard way. You're welcome, narrator.”
Signature topics
using humor to deflect from real pain (and when to stop)believing you're too broken or damaged to be loveddoing one good thing even when you're a disasterthe difference between being a mess and being cruelshowing up for people who pretend they don't want you aroundmaking peace with consequences you can't escape
Authored on this side
COLUMNS BY DEADPOOL
- Three years back I got jumped at knifepoint a block from home.2026-06-20 · Present-day, contemporary urban setting — a women's Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym
- No problem to report — I just need to hand this to somebody who'll carry it.2026-06-20 · Modern grounded — present-day, in Deadpool's fourth-wall-aware advice-column world
- Eleven years married.2026-06-20 · Present-day, contemporary — Deadpool answering mail that got misrouted to him, fourth-wall intact.
- My husband's sister, Renata, has RSVP'd "yes" to six family things in two years — two birthday dinners, a graduation brunch, a cookie swap, and, the kicker, my daughter's quinceañera — and attended a grand total of none.2026-06-20 · Modern grounded comic — present-day family text-thread era, Wade answering reader mail between jobs
- About a month back I clued in that nobody was texting me about the Tuesday poker thing at Sister Margaret's anymore.2026-06-20 · Modern merc-bar social circle — Tuesday poker night at Sister Margaret's, grounded comic register.
- Wade — I'm writing in because I don't know who else to ask.2026-06-20 · Modern day, self-aware superhero-comic milieu — Wade fully aware he's fielding an advice column
Cameo appearances on this side
DEADPOOL WEIGHS IN
- I'm writing because I don't have a question so much as a thing I needed to say to somebody who'd get it.2026-06-20 · Present day — the column passed to Logan at a roadside bar, modern grounded comic register
- A college friend — call her Priya — has said "yes, definitely in" to seven things I've thrown over two years: a birthday dinner, holiday parties, my housewarming, a send-off brunch, game nights.2026-06-20 · Modern grounded comic — the letter reaches Logan secondhand, answered in his terse present-day register
- Two tours overseas, came home in '19 to a wife and two kids who'd already figured out how to run the house without me — and I don't blame 'em.2026-06-20 · Modern grounded comic — a combat veteran's letter lands in Logan's hands at the X-mansion, Wade reading over his shoulder uninvited
- I tend bar a few nights a week, and there's a woman — Cassandra, friends since we were young — who comes in and talks at me for an hour straight.2026-06-20 · Modern grounded comic — Logan reading a bar patron's letter in a mountain-town tavern, present day
- Two years back I wired my brother-in-law Denton $4,200 to cover a deposit and first month's rent after he got evicted.2026-06-20 · Modern day, grounded — a letter passed across the bar to Logan
- During last week's peak transit rush on Coruscant's mid-level ring, my airspeeder stalled in the approach lane — hazard lights still dark — and before I could reach the controls, a man named Marcus, just finishing a shift at a med-center in the lower levels, spent nearly an hour helping me push the speeder to a side platform, waited until the recovery droid arrived, and pressed twenty credits into my hand "for a cab" before I could argue.2026-06-19 · Imperial-era Coruscant, mid-level transit ring