▸ Column · Imperial era — two Moffs escalating ever-grander monuments on adjacent Outer Rim garrison worlds
DARTH VADER replies.
Replied to by Darth Vader, with a rebuttal from Goku.
The letter
Lord Vader — I command a garrison world on the Outer Rim, and the trouble began with my counterpart in the adjacent sector, Moff Dale. Last cycle he erected a tasteful victory pillar by his landing platform. I had never bothered with monuments in my life, but on principle I answered with a forty-meter chrome statue of myself astride a dewback. He countered with an entire commemorative plaza — reflecting pools, an eternal flame, a holographic parade that loops at dusk. So I panicked and requisitioned a colossal animatronic rancor clutching the Imperial cog. Then I flew past his perimeter and saw he'd installed a motion-triggered fountain that broadcasts the Imperial anthem at every passing shuttle, and I have not slept since. I have 340 credits left in my discretionary fund and a procurement order open for a full-scale bronze star destroyer. I can no longer tell whether I am trying to defeat Dale or whether the two of us have built something between us that neither will name. Which is it?
Darth Vader replies
You believe you are at war. Each move answered, each escalation matched — and the thing gnawing at you in the dark is not the fountain. It is the question of whether you are fighting to win, or whether something has taken root in the space between the blows that you have no name for.
I know that space. I had a brother once. We met every move the other made, blade for blade, certainty for certainty, until we faced each other on a burning shore. I told myself, even then, that I fought to defeat him. It was a lie. I did not want to win. I wanted the man across from me, and I had buried the wanting under armor and called it victory.
This is the warning I have for you, and it is the only true one I own: the arms race has no summit. You will spend the credits, and the next, and the silence between you will harden into a wall you cannot speak through. You call it winning. I called it that too. Do not wait, as I waited, until the only way left to address him is across a drawn weapon.
Buy your monstrous starship if you must. But tell Dale why.
— Darth Vader
Goku weighs in
Aw, come on — this is the BEST kind of problem! You found yourself a rival, buddy! That's not a war, that's the thing that makes you both better. Reminds me of Vegeta — guy started out tryin' to wipe me out, and now I can't imagine training without him. The fountain that plays the anthem? Heh, that's incredible, I'd have lost sleep too — out of excitement!
Vader's right that the secret part's gotta go, though. Don't hide it. Fly over there, bang on Dale's door, tell him straight: "You're my favorite opponent, let's keep going!" Then build the star destroyer together. Oh man — wanna grab lunch first? I'm starving.
— Goku
▸ Read next