▸ Column · Outer Rim spaceport / Star Wars smuggler underworld
HAN SOLO replies.
Replied to by Han Solo, with a rebuttal from Jabba the Hutt.
The letter
Kael and I have run together almost three standard years — last cycle we even signed our names to the same berth, a leased hold down on the docking ring. And I have still never met his clan, who keep a homestead one short hop out-system. Every time they come through the port he conveniently books me a session at the bathhouse, or "remembers" I've got a cargo manifest due, or — this actually happened — parks me in a cantina booth while he walks his folks to a table two doors down. He swears it's nothing to do with me, that his mother is "complicated," that the moment's never right. But he had no trouble waving his old flight-academy bunkmate at them. His mechanic, even. So now I'm wondering: is he ashamed of me, or has he sold them a version of us that doesn't square with the one he sells me? Do I lay down an ultimatum, or is leaning on this the thing that finally cracks the hull?
Han Solo replies
Okay, here's where everybody goes wrong: you're grading what he says. "Complicated mother." "Timing's never right." That stuff's free, sweetheart. I've handed out lines smoother than that to get out of a docking fee. Stop listening to the soundtrack and watch the movie. He walked his bunkmate and his grease monkey right up to mama. You — the one he signed a lease with — get a bathhouse coupon and a cantina booth. That's not a man with a complicated mother. That's a man hiding the part of his story he hasn't told them. Behavior over words, every time. Now — don't go laying down some big ultimatum like it's a holodrama. Ultimatums are how scared people make the other guy decide for 'em. Just ask the one blunt question: "When do I meet them — a date, not a feeling." Then watch what he does when it'd be easier to dodge. He sets the date and shows up, maybe there's a real knot to untangle and you stay. He squirms and reschedules into next year? Then you already got your answer, and you didn't have to threaten anybody to get it. I came back for Leia when ducking out was the smart play. Watch whether he'll do the small brave thing. That tells you everything.
— Han Solo
Jabba the Hutt weighs in
Solo. Always the same sermon — "watch what they do." Hoo hoo hoo. This is the man who watched himself out of a debt he still owes me, and the bounty still stands. Listen, my friend, and forget his coupons. You signed your name to that berth beside this hider's. That is not a feeling — that is collateral. You hold leverage and Solo tells you to spend it on a tearful little date. No. An ultimatum is urgency, and urgency is the discount you hand the other party. Sit. Indulge. Let his "complicated" mother and his lies pile on his side of the scale. The one who is owed and unhurried always collects. Make him need the meeting more than you do.
— Jabba the Hutt
▸ Read next